I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
