Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
