i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
