You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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