question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so let's talk penis.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
