I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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