Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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