Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
