i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
