Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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