Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
