one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
