I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
