The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
