I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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