question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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