she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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