You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
