I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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