You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A+ Viking dick
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
