Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
