oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
