Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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