someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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