i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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