Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
