He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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