every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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