Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
