was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
