you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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