Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
