I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
