im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
