You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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