The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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