Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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