that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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