Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
