What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
