Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
