I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
