If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
