my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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