My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
