Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
