Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
