We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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