he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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