she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
