Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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