I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
