as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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