Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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